drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
