just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
please come you make the beer taste better
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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