guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I FOUND THE LEGS
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
