I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
