I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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