so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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