Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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