Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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