i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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