I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
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