Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I understand Curling. That high.
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My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
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I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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