So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Randomize
