I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
