there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
