I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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