He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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