her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
