Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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