I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
