Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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