Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
