I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
