oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
