you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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