I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
