I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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