You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
