Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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