how can u be prego again
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
