is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
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His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You're a waste of cheezeits
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize