I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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