i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
