He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
