Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
