i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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