dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
PANTIES FOUND
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