Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
