Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
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Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
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The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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