why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
