So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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