I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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