Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
