I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
