you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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