You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
