Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize