Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
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