i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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