I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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