The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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