Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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