Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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