don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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