i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
