You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
