It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
