So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
