Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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