the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
