My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
