you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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