There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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