I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
id be glad to
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
