I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
