I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
