I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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