Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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