Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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