so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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