Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Randomize
