never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
