k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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