Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
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She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
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Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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