I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
